happy feast day of Mary Magdalene
happy feast day of Mary Magdalene
a few days late, because writing this felt like being in labor for three days
Beloved,
I met Mary Magdalene in her true identity five or six years ago when i was introduced to the gnostic gospels. If you’re not familiar with them, the gnostic gospels include the Gospel of Thomas and Philip which were part of the Qumran Caves and Nag Hammadi treasure trove of sacred texts, and the Gospel of Mary which was discovered in 1896 by a German collector in an antiquities market in Cairo, nearly half a century before the Nag Hammadi find.
But due to a series of strange events and lengthy publication delays the first German scholarly edition did not appear until 1955. It would be twenty more years before an English version appeared and still another twenty years before popular editions became accessible. The story of the trials and tribulations this text underwent before it became universally available is one i’d like to return to (if you find it as interesting as i do). It’s fascinating and bears great meaning in the context of the teachings that were suppressed because they hinted to a radical Christianity still mostly unexplored.
Friends, i want to pause here and confess that even writing this first paragraph made my hands and insides tremble. I am using my voice to speak something that i have been gestating mostly in secret, though perhaps secret is the wrong word for it, in the sacred privacy of my inner being, the womb of creative essence and soul awakening. Truly, it’s a waking up and a waking up and a waking up. But like the scuba diver who has been submerged to Mariana Trench depths, there are layers and layers of water to move through as the light beckons upward and keep moving. This is the nature of de-conditioning. Sometimes i fell buoyed, sometimes it’s effortful strokes that burn. I keep moving.
So, i forayed into these gospels, fascinated and a bit scared. Because of a very traditional Christian upbringing, i had been taught from an early age that these texts were not inspired (meaning not dictated by the Holy Spirit), nor part of the “inerrant” Scriptures that we call the Bible, and therefore, dangerous and unworthy of consideration. Some teachers went as far as to attribute them, through a faulty understanding of history, to a heretical group later named the Gnostics, believed to have arisen during the same period as the early Christian movement, but who misunderstood and distorted the true Christic teachings.
While i don’t want to get lost in all the historical milieu (we may come back to all of this because i have been down the rabbit hole for a while, researching and reading as much scholarly work as i’ve been able to get my hands on, and wish to synthesize and pass it on to you…) what i began to understand is that these Gospels and other sacred writings were suppressed, in fact, ordered in the 4th century to be destroyed.
Why?
Not because they lacked authenticity, but because of their power. Their perspective on our true nature. Because they presented an alternate way of understanding the life and teachings of Christ – a way that both challenges and completed the depictions in the synoptic Gospels (Mark, Luke, and Matthew), aligned in some rich and interesting ways with the Gospel of John (called the spiritual gospel) and gave us a fuller picture of the incredible and often esoteric path of Jesus. A path that when we read these other writings and put them in context with the canonized ones, reveals itself as a subversive and luminous thread that draws us to many deep truths. One especially resounds with such incredible power in my being: that which we seek is already within us.
There is an exquisite verse in the Gospel of Mary that says “Be on your guard so that no one deceives you by saying, 'Look over here!' or 'Look over there!' For the Child of True Humanity (Anthropos) dwells within you.” (Mary 4:3-7)
You, dear human, are (and are becoming – oh delicious paradox) the Anthropos. Fully human and fully divine. Your wholeness is indelible. Your true being just waiting to be made fully conscious. All that you need for fullness of life, for purpose, for truth, for joy, is within.
WOW!!
There are parts of me that still question this. These pesky yet brilliant, protective to a fault yet wise egoic parts, so thouroughly obsessed with linearity, form, and temporality cannot grasp this truth. The ego is conditioned to look outward, to never feel its enoughness. This is in part because of its nature – finite, conditional, and binary. And, we need it. Our ego allows us to navigate life in a world of paying bills, making dentist appointments, and putting on a bra to go to the grocery store. Very helpful! These parts (adaptations) matter but are not meant to run the show. They are not meant to become our ultimate identity. They are here to serve and support the Soul — the True Being.
However, because many of us don’t know our Soul (or only catch glimpses of it), we are tempted to look externally to systems and institutions, to leaders and politicians, to gurus and spiritual guides, to the market, to relationships, in order to find an answer to our yearnings. And, we often confuse yearning with want (Martha Beck has done a beautiful job in delineating a distinction). We may want many things with different parts of us – material goods, success, partners, accolades, etc. but yearnings are simpler, gentler, they are the voice of the Soul arising in the waking hours of night, during a stroll in the woods, or inside dreams.
It takes time to return to the simplicity to this inner voice – it takes de-conditioning from seeing yourself through the lens of your faults, de-conditioning from the systems that call you broken and then offer their solution. It takes getting comfortable with silence, stillness, and solitude, dropping into the body and the ineffable but no less real heart space (Mary has quite a bit to say about this too).
It may take the gentle witness of a spiritual companion, a therapist, a bodyworker to initially help you anchor into the present moment and abandon the seduction of mind for a little while. Release the stories and the chatter and the obsession with the small self. The Self that is beyond the ego does not worry about its own existence, or value, or purpose. It IS with ease.
It also takes trust. Trust that the true being within you is right there. As accessible as a conscious breath, as the slowing of your heart rate, as the closing of the eyes. You will know it by its gentleness. By its peace. Even if you pause for a few seconds and rest in that knowing, right there in the middle of your chest, or your belly, it’s perfect!
Keep practicing. Keep coming back. The Child of True Humanity is within you. It is you.